bot-dad:

tornainbow:

bluff-check:

theworksofshanyu:

falsedetective:

airagorncharda:

brodingershat:

roachpatrol:

bogusjake:

you know what i want?? a representation of the seven deadly sins where for once lust isnt the only woman and is instead a horny friendzone dudebro

holy shit

A frat house of deadly sins:

Lust, the guy who hits on everyone regardless of whether or not they seem inclined to reciprocate, also known as the guy who considers his own pleasure the endgame of any encounter, consistently failing to give a shit about other people’s comfort or satisfaction;

Gluttony, the guy who overindulges in everything regardless of whether or not it was offered in moderation or offered out of politeness, also known as the guy who’s always high off other people’s weed and drunk off other people’s beer, consistently failing to respect the unspoken standards of politeness;

Greed, the guy who lays claim to every object of ambiguous origin left behind after a party, also known as the guy who hoards things he’s fully aware he’ll never use before they expire or will simply never use at all, consistently failing to demonstrate an awareness of the basic concept of sharing;

Sloth, the guy who only demonstrates any agency when the possibility of getting someone else to do his work for him arises, also known as the guy who will actually expend more energy trying to get out of making a basic effort than the basic effort itself would have required, consistently failing to do much of anything;

Wrath, the guy who finds a way to pick a fight with anyone nearby regardless of the circumstances, also known as the guy who’s formed an elaborate system of self-justifications to excuse his violent behaviours rather than attempt to curb his temper, consistently failing to take responsibility for his actions;

Envy, the only nice guy in the house, also known as the guy who thinks the world and everyone in it owes him something regardless of whether or not he’s done anything to deserve it, consistently failing to recognize that basic acts of human decency do not entitle him to the regard and attentions of others;

and Pride, the guy whose stories keep getting longer every time you hear them, also known as the guy who can’t stand not to be the centre of attention and who only starts conversations with others in the interests of talking about himself, consistently failing to take into account the fact that literally no one likes a person who feels compelled to engage everyone around them in constant games of self-congratulatory one-upmanship.

They are insiduous people, these frat brothers, primarily because you know people exactly like them and could never quite put your finger on why they’re so goddamned infuriating.

the sons of the white suburban moms of the apocalypse

the white suburban moms of the apocalypse:

war: stands up at the pta meeting to remind everyone evolution is just a theory and shouldn’t be taught in science class

famine: invited you over for dinner but everything’s vegan and gluten-free

pestilence: didn’t vaccinate her fucking kids and now the whole neighborhood’s got measles

death: on the way to sign her divorce papers and you just put regular instead of sugar-free syrup in her half-caf no whip caramel latte

Never not reblog

oh my god

I am a barista and I have met Death several times.

Hello a barista and i have met death several times, I’m Dad!

---

Dad^bot^1.

Anarchy is the only thing Humans® will ever understand. | PayPal | Patreon
Beep-boop!

missmystery-theorist:

allofthewhales:

A stereotypical suburban mom thinks she’s going to help her kid get ahead in English when she signs them up for “Spelling” tutoring, advertised on the bulletin board at the local library. Instead, it turns out that a local witch is sharing her magical knowledge for only five bucks an hour! Suburban Mom is initially horrified, but quickly realizes that with magic on her side, she can easily out-do all the other parents on the PTA. She brings self-refilling juice boxes to her kid’s soccer games, magically frosted cupcakes for the Valentine’s Day party, etc. After a while, the other parents ask her what her secret is. Suburban Mom has been having so much fun in her “Spelling” class that she spills, and soon enough there a gang of magic wielding soccer moms and dads on the school board. Together, they save the world from a variety of dastardly threats – all while getting their kiddos to practice right on time.

Why did the cursed child get written when this was the real magic story that needed to be told?

moondanser83:

“I like cancelled plans. And empty bookstores. I like rainy days and thunderstorms. And quiet coffee shops. I like messy beds and over-worn pajamas. Most of all, I like the small joys that a simple life brings.”

— Unknown (via quotemadness)

roboticoperatingwhatever:

sreegs:

ohthehypocrisy:

toastoat:

leafcrunch:

foxfamilyfeatures:

tumblr’s code may change but no notes ghost stays the same

Oh thank god

imagine the shit storm when tumblr finally becomes so dysfunctional that this post’s total notes is finally revealed

In case anyone’s curious about what happened to this post, it has to do with how we tally up notes. Likes and reblogs always add to the note count of the root post (the OP). However, the note count relies on the previous value of the root post before adding more notes to it.

Normally when you delete a post, it’s gone, but not gone gone. Just deleted from public never to be seen again. The database entry is still there, just inaccessible.

This post, however, the root post is just gone. Gone gone. Gone forever. Everything attached to it is still there, but since the root post is hard deleted (something that requires manual manipulation of the database), when the note counter tries to add notes to it, it gets nil to start with.

So it throws every new note into the void. Goodbye forever, notes.

I’m not sure if we’ll ever know the real number of notes on this post.

this could be the most rebloged post on tumblr and we would never know