I just left my husband alone with our two children for sixteen days. I was not worried about anything regarding the house, their food, or their wellbeing. I put all the appointments in the family calendar and my husband checked it and kept them. I literally did not worry about them. I missed them, and I was sad that they missed me, but I didn’t worry about them AT ALL. I need to impress upon you all that I missed their company, but was not worried for their welfare.
I also did no meal prep. I don’t even think I went shopping right before I left.
This is not about apples and oranges. This isn’t even about my husband. This is about the fact that this is apparently WEIRD.
Another mum at my daughter’s school is leaving for ten days. She’s taking her youngest (who is a very small baby) and leaving her husband with their two girls. She has been cooking for days preparing freezer meals. She’s panicking and deputizing her six year old to remind him how to make school lunches. AND I AM APPALLED.
A) He is definitely not helpless. (He’s a doctor or something.) What gendered bullshit. B) THAT LITTLE GIRL IS NOT OLD ENOUGH TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR HER AND HER SISTER’S WELLBEING. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. C) Why is she married to this person and creating children with him if he’s this big of an idiot?
While she was laughingly recounting this, the other mums were nodding and smiling sympathetically, like oh yes, I too have my caveman at home!! Such managing required! I was the only one who was like “Dude, he’ll be fine. Literally. He will be fine.” I said it a lot. She was not convinced. She kept bringing up her older daughter. She’ll be like a little mum!
NO.
NO NO NO NO.
NO.
Straight women, don’t do this shit. It’s gross. Don’t infantilize your husbands and then expect your daughters to pick up the slack. So fucking gross. So. So. GROSS.
The fact that so many adults think a six year old girl is more capable of learning and performing basic domestic tasks than a grown-ass man says it all, really.
Also, saying things like “She’ll be like a little mum!” enforces the stereotype that girls are “more mature” than boys of the same age, and allows boys to get away with their terrible behavior while we FORCE girls to mature earlier by impressing upon them these responsibilities and then look back and say how boys and girls are “naturally” different. ALSO, the whole girls are more mature for their age than boys is what some statutory rapists/apologists use to justify their crimes. It’s these seemingly subtle comments that perpetuate damaging societal mentalities.
My mom has always gotten a lot of grief from her family for working so much and “leaving us to fend for ourselves”
Just last weekend she was out in Pittsburgh for the wedding of some cousin and despite the fact that, 1) she’s been traveling for work for almost a decade (often overseas) 2) my siblings and I are all over the age of 15 and 3) my dad is a responsible father and an independent adult who can tie his own shoes and parent his children, her family was still /shocked/ that she would leave my dad “all alone with the kids” for THREE DAYS
Then they found out that I, the 20 year old, am home and they all relaxed like I’m supposed to be The Head Adult here
Like? No???
No.
First of all I’m working. And secondly this isn’t my house to run? And my dad isn’t a child who can’t take care of his own house and kids?Please people do not support this mentality that men are babies who can’t do anything including take care of their own children
They’re better than that and so are you.
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Supurblychaoticdragon 